Weapon of Choice

written by Velvet Ishtar.

“Cinema is the strongest weapon.” – Benito Mussolini.

“Truth functions as a weapon.” – Michel Foucault

So there I was one day when I heard the sirens going off.

High as balls, I thought the nukes were gonna start raining down, that the folks in the streets were going to run out machetes in hand and start hacking me to pieces, that the people who run the labs were going to plug the BAD MACHINES into the “system” and start releasing grey goo into the air.

The world was ending. What was I going to do? Help people? Make art? Call my loved ones?

Nah. Fuck all that nose. I was going to get fucked up on the awesomest drugs ever and jack off to the most morally reprehensible things for like 3 years straight.

Did my friends all leave? Yes.

Did my family lose all respect for me? Yes.

Did I irreversibly ruin my brain and body? Yes.

Do I regret any of my actions over the past 3 years?

Nope. Nada. Not a single one.

Forget the atonement and “saving the world”.

Pass me the 4mmc, lube, and lemonade.

The next time the world sticks me in the void, I’m gooning all the way to the depths of Hell and I’m taking all my cosmic secrets with me and y’all can’t have ANY of them.

Y’all can either join me, or fuck OFF.

Anyways, dancing with the apsaras that move in and out of my computer got boring. It also got to the point where I can’t think certain thoughts for too long or else my body suddenly gets really fucking cold and I start shivering and my spinal column shakes so fucking hard that it feels like it’s going to rip itself from my brain and body and just slither away into the dirt.

At a certain point it stops feeling good, and it just feels like raping your own psychological ecosystem. But, like, that is so much fucking FUN. It’s fun in the way that cutting yourself must feel really really good in the moment, but damn do the scars last.

I have decided to dedicate my time to other matters. Like reading books, pretending to be a person, eating real food, and hunting my loved ones for sport (using my weapon of choice, of course).